Marriage may be one of the most difficult relationships into which a lot of us enter.  It’s a lot of hard work and I am not sure we even realize it when we decide, in a state of lust and “early love”, to make the relationship official.  It seems like the natural thing to do…the obvious next step.  But while the tradition of marriage has been around for A LONG TIME, statistically speaking, we really don’t do a great job at it.  In the past 10 years, while the rate of divorce has fallen from about 50% to approximately 45%, we still see many marriages in crisis.  And to be honest, 45% doesn’t really denote an institution on the rise.  Add in the number of second marriages that occur and the increased failure of these relationships, and I think you would agree, it is time to dig a little deeper into the issues surrounding why our track record is not so good and to think about what we can do differently!

Let me stop for a minute and level set on something.  I am really not trying to paint a picture of doom and destruction here relative to the institution of marriage.  Yes the statistics seem to be against us.  Yes there are a lot of marriages in crisis.  HOWEVER, there are a number of you, I am POSITIVE, that answered the ratings questions above with 8s, 9s and 10s, and that is crazy awesome!!!!  Keep up the great work (underscored work because you guys know that marriage is all about daily, focused, work).  You guys hang with me because I know you are always looking for ways to get even better!

“From the back row” it seems like one of the answers to the “why” is found in our priorities.  As with most things that we wish to improve, the answers are not always obvious.  We tend to look directly at the problem and not consider some of the surrounding issues that may in fact have an impact on the direction, in this case, our marriages are heading.  Priorities fall into this category.  God speaks VERY specifically about priorities when it comes to couples.  In fact He speaks to it multiple times in both the Old and New Testament.  His view on marriage priority appears almost verbatim in Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7-8, and Ephesians 5:31.  From my perspective on “The Back Row” when something appears in the Bible, verbatim, 4 times it has to be important!  God says that man and woman leave behind their families and unite as one.   Not two…but one.  When you think about this “oneness” does it put a different thought on how you view priorities?  What God is saying here is that your spouse is THE priority because in fact the two of you are ONE!  This doesn’t mean that either of you lose your identity, the ability to use your gifts, or your personality.  It means that together, as one, God knows you are the strongest you can possibly be and you have the best opportunity to realize your full potential.  God is all about seeing our potential regardless of our backgrounds and the way in which we may have messed up in the past.   And He is all about creating environments and relationships that allow us to use this potential to our fullest extent!   God intends to use marriage to give us the best shot at success!  But we have to view marriage, live marriage and treat our spouse as if they are a part of our own “flesh” for it to really work!

So what does this look like on a daily basis?

1)       Work daily on your marriage…be in a state of continuous learning and growing.  Marriage is like anything else…if you are NOT developing it and growing it you are in a state of decline…period.  There are so many resources out there to help…” Weekend to Remember ” is a great place to start!  Additionally, the “how to improve your marriage” book industry is vast and for the most part REALLY good.  Pick up a copy of “The Five Love Languages” or better yet, go to their website and take the Love Languages assessment.  This assessment will tell you and your spouse the best way to communicate love!  And it is not always saying “I love you” or giving flowers on Valentine’s Day!

2)      Prioritize quality time with your spouse often!  Commit to a weekly date night and vacation without your kids at least one time a year.  Okay, let me pause for a brief minute or two.  Kids…  Kids can be one of the biggest reasons we struggle with keeping our spouses as a priority.  Do we love our kids?  Of course!  But to set the right example of what truly loving relationships are all about, model it to your kids.  Show them the power of prioritization.  Show them you LOVE THEM by putting your spouse ahead of them!

3)      Openly show affection to your spouse…ESPECIALLY in front of your kids!  There is no better way to model a loving relationship to your kids then to be openly affectionate in front of them!  Let your kids hear you tell your spouse “how good they look”.  Point out each other’s qualities to your kids…daily!  Kiss and hug your husband/wife in front of your kids.  Hold hands in public.  Make the world SEE that you hold your spouse above all other earthly relationships and display that you are a united force that is untouchable.

4)      Extend your priorities even further by putting God at the front of the “pecking order”.  When you read the Bible there is a recurring theme throughout…and that is God desires a relationship with all of us and craves that we return His favor of grace with a deep loving relationship directed at Him.  Jesus in a powerful conversation with the Pharisees (okay big time argument) explains in Mark 12:28-34, that loving God with everything you’ve got is the most important commandment.  He wants and deserves to be number one ahead of your spouse (number 2) and your kids (number 3).  Think about his and let it simmer a little.  One final side note on our kids.  IF we are to teach our kids this VERY important commandment that Jesus speaks about…doesn’t it make sense to model this deep loving relationship with our spouse…the relationship they observe on a daily basis and the relationship that God holds near and dear to His heart?

Here’s is to the reshuffling of priorities…”From The Back Row”!

On Sunday, we were blessed to hear a powerful story about forgiveness.  To really understand the impact of what we heard, you have to know the unfortunate circumstances that two of our Church members, Alton and his wife Esther, faced a few weeks back.  On a Sunday in June, these guys woke to a call that family members had been in a horrific car accident caused by a drunk driver.  Two of the family members were killed in the crash, a third died a few hours later, and the fourth, while he survived, has faced an uphill battle through his recovery.

We tend to hear these kinds of stories far too often and each time it has an impact on us.  However, when the story strikes close to home, as this one did for all of us, emotions heighten to a new level.  And from the family’s standpoint…well emotionally…I just can’t imagine.  But what we saw in Alton and more importantly what we heard, to me, came from a different place.  While lots of tears flowed as he discussed the details of that morning, there was a sense of calm…a peace as he told the story.  And then came the defining moment of the morning.  He was asked “how do you sort through this tragedy”? Knowing God and loving God as you do…”how do you move forward”?  As he reflected back on that day approximately 4 weekends ago he answered (paraphrased) that “in the end, this was an accident”…he does not believe the driver “meant to create the tragedy…he did not set out to kill his family…it was an accident”.  And then he went on to say that “he has forgiven the driver”.

Simply put, when you sit “On The Back Row” attempting to figure out the God Thing…hearing these types of stories can be both inspiring and troubling.  Sometimes when we hear a “God Story” like this one, we ask ourselves “how would I react?”…”how on earth can someone facing this type of tragedy, in four weeks, truly be forgiving”…”Does the driver in this case really deserve forgiveness”?

Hearing Alton and Esther’s story, I wonder if I too could forgive in this situation. I ask myself, am I forgiving others for their mistakes or do I hold it in the back of my head to use later when I – in turn – do an injustice to them?  At the end of the day I think our ability to offer up true forgiveness is tied to the condition of our heart more than any other factor. For a lot of reasons I think the art and act of forgiveness has a very hard time penetrating our hearts because forgiveness means there is ALWAYS hurt involved.  And ‘hurt’ is a big wall that can surround our hearts.

What made Alton’s conversation with us so truly inspiring was that his “wall of hurt” was penetrable….and that gives us hope.  How you may ask does someone, as Alton has done, allow his heart to be penetrable?  From my perspective, it simply cannot be done on human terms.  True “God stories” are those that have an outcome that simply cannot be done through human effort.  Some would call these “miracles”…and maybe that is an appropriate term.   Alton’s answer?  He said the reason he forgives is because of the “many times he has gone to God for forgiveness for things he has done.”  He said “how can I accept God’s forgiveness of me if I am not willing to extend this same forgiveness to others”.  A “heart” response.

Jesus taught a lot about the heart of people.  He was a master at distinguishing between “words said” and “words felt” or those from the heart.  In his most important teaching, the Sermon on the Mount, he says “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God”.  I love the second part of this sentence…”for they will see God”.  Alton seems to see God.

What I know about Alton is that he has a love for God that is inspiring.  He gets what it means to be “all in” and because of it, while he still faces daily challenges and in this case a major tragedy that will forever change him, he trusts that he always has a soft spot to land, lean and depend on.  From my perspective he doesn’t have to worry about the “wall of hurt” keeping forgiveness out…because he already has forgiveness “in” his heart.  The strength he displays is a direct result of the advantage God provides him.  In a very cool sense the “wall of hurt” that can surround all of our hearts in these situations, while there and very real, is “around” his heart…what’s “in” Alton’s heart is God…and that is powerful.

Alton….a big thanks “From the Back Row” for inspiring hope in all of us.  You are a true friend and brother.  We love you.

From a “back row” perspective, the whole rite of baptism can seem a bit daunting. Personally, I have been baptized twice. Once when I was a baby…at least that is what my parents told me… and once about 10 years ago after my pastor at the time had me read a scripture from the Bible, declared me a “believer” and told me it was time for me to “get up in front of the church, give my testimony about how I found Christ (actually I thought I had found Him a number of years ago…I think in High School) and get baptized! As a side note…I also “think” the experience earned me my ticket into heaven. Yes, I write this with a bit of sarcasm (although the events are true) but only to make a point. That baptism can be one of those “Christian rites” that in some cases and in some churches have morphed into something that may be a bit out of context from its original intent. If you are sitting in “the back row” with me, baptism is probably one or more of the following… 1) something that your parents did for you as a baby in an effort to protect you from “original sin” or 2) something that was “pushed” on you by religious conservatives as a form of “conversion”, and/or 3) accomplished out of guilt and fear of going to the “hot place”…in essence it was guaranteeing you the “ticket to heaven”.

One thing for sure is that the rite of baptism appears numerous times in the Bible. One of the most famous biblical baptisms is actually Jesus’. Read about it here in Matthew 3:13-17 and Mark 1:9-11 WHAT? Jesus got baptized? This kind of blows all of the preconceived notions regarding baptism out of the proverbial water! Consider…Jesus was baptized as an adult (which tells us that my #1 possible reason for baptism doesn’t “hold water”), and while “John the Baptist” could be considered conservative by many, given that he roamed the wilderness in animal hides and ate honey and other things from the earth, I doubt his motivation in baptizing Jesus had anything to do with converting Him or guaranteeing Him a ticket to heaven (there goes #2 and # 3)!

So all of this begs the question. What is baptism really all about? Why would someone decide to be baptized? For the most part, and this is my own personal feeling, the answer is really between the individual and God. Obviously the individual must be engaged in a growing relationship with God. And while there may still be a lot of unanswered questions about what this relationship will look like into the future, it truly is a commitment to journey with God and to use Jesus life and actions as the model. Next, baptism really is about declaring to others that you have made this commitment. Baptism truly is a public statement that you are journeying with God. It is a firm commitment…a step beyond just thinking it in your head. You are, in essence, all in. Does it mean that you are not going to mess up? No…of course not. But it means that you will be more cognizant when you do mess up AND most importantly you understand and trust that you have God’s forgiveness and continued commitment when it happens.

What I have learned and grown to appreciate over the past couple of years is that baptism really is a beautiful thing. And while we as people can tend to distort all things “religious”, done right and with the right motivation, making this commitment to be “all in” and declaring it publicly, is a great and wonderful statement to a great and beautiful God. When you think about the “rite” in this way, even those of us that sit on the “back row” find beauty and gain total appreciation for the declaration!

So “From The Back Row”, congratulations to all of the people who got baptized this weekend!

We often look at our children growing older with mixed emotions.  We are proud of who they are becoming but also struggle with the daily challenges of their growing independence and hoping they make the “right choices” in their lives.  This is when the doubt and uncertainty come in about what we’ve done, or haven’t done, to properly prepare our children for the outside world.

This is a scary time for our kids – as well as us parents.  Things are very different today than when we were growing up – teen suicide has risen dramatically, so many kids struggle with drugs and getting into college is a challenge.  Finding a job once they graduate also seems to be so much more difficult.  Our children seem to need more assistance as adults – and I can’t help but think it may have something to do with how we are raising them.

Last Sunday we discussed how our focus on our children can be misdirected at times.  We spend hours taking them to soccer, dance class and other extra-curricular activities.  Our lives are so busy and when we have more than one child, the days/weeks/months are even busier!  We spend less time as a family and more time getting them to one activity after another.

How often are we eating dinner together as a family?  How much time do I spend one-on-one with each of my girls so I can give them a chance to really talk to me?  Instead of asking my daughters if something is bothering them – Do I ask them specific questions about their lives?  Do I engage with their friends and with their feelings to be sure that they have a soft place to fall when they make a mistake?  Am I modeling the right behavior as a parent?  Not pretending to be perfect but to communicate my mistakes and asking God for guidance?

There is a great story in Deuteronomy 6:1-12 where Moses is preparing the Israelites to move into the land of “milk and honey”.  He is very specific and directed by God on the way in which a full life can be experienced for adults and kids.  Moses tells the Israelites the most important thing is for us to and to teach our children to – love God – to obey His commands and enjoy a long and beautiful life.  He continues by telling them to “commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.  Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up”.  Moses is pretty specific and passionate!

This is not something we can do as they are walking out the door to college “Hey, by the way, don’t be tempted by drugs and alcohol and be a good girl”.  This has to be taught DAILY.  We cannot as parents, tell our children right from wrong but must MODEL this behavior – so they grow up in an environment that shows them what a healthy marriage looks like, how we treat others and most importantly, how we love God!   The best way we can prepare our children to become God loving beautiful adults is by doing it ourselves!

For our family, it is such a blessing to have a church that partners with us in creating this environment.  On Sunday’s our kids learn about the lessons from the bible, they learn to truly question “What would Jesus Do” and it helps us – as parents – continue the conversation with our kids.  We cannot expect that our church will “raise” our children.  What we can expect is for our church to help us establish guidelines – advise us during times of challenges and to pray for us and our children to continue to take the steps forward to establishing a solid and faith-based foundation for our families.

I often wonder what I will feel like the day our “rising high schooler” leaves for college.  I am thinking it will be a tearful goodbye – a scary time for us all – but I pray daily that my daughter will know in her heart and spirit that she is a child of God – that she is loved and cherished – that she is amazing.  If this is true, she has the right start to her life as an adult and I, as a parent, can know I did the best job I, with a lot of help from God, raise her.

Thinking about the empty nest “from the back row”

Last Sunday we talked about using the summer, at least part of it, to actually focus on “Vision”…the “stirring in our heart” part of the equation. Now at this point I am going to suspect that at least some of you are thinking about not reading further…but hang with me. Vision, Vision Casting and Mission Statements are words that many of us associate with corporate America. And to be honest most of us also find it completely boring. We think “vision” is something that is put together by a bunch of “ivory tower” executives that may have the right intentions but by the time it reaches the people that are actually responsible for executing on it, it really means nothing. We continue to do our daily jobs the same way we always have…regardless of this output from the executive suite. However, there are examples of companies and groups that do a great job rallying around their company vision and while these may be the exception, they do tend to accomplish more and sustain success year over year. And this dynamic applies to us as well! From a God perspective, if we want to grow closer to God and strive to accomplish the mission He has set out for us, we have to define the vision and then a plan for execution. The real question for most of us is “how do we get started”. So here are a few ideas. Think about these over the summer (and of course continue to read From The Back Row!). Remember, your goal is to surface at the end of August with some thoughts about what God is “stirring in your heart”!

1. Examine our mission statement – This one is VERY easy. Take a look at these scriptures for hints. Luke 10:27, Matthew 28:19
2. Lock onto things God cares about, things that break His heart – Do they break yours? Look at these scriptures for help. Jeremiah 9:24, Isaiah 1:17, James 1:27
3. Read – Looking for two really good books to dive into over the summer that will help inspire you? Check these two out from Erwin McManus and take one of them with you on vacation.
• Wide Awake
• Chasing Daylight
4. Dare to Dream – Think big! Think about what you uncovered in #2 and #3 above and start to dream about the impact you could have with God’s help and inspiration. And remember, if you are limiting yourself to ideas that once accomplished YOU can take credit for, you are dreaming to small!
5. Write it all down – Anything from the ideas above that peak your interest…thoughts that inspire you. What a great way to start or try out journaling! Write a vision statement that starts with something like “In a year from now, I will (Blank) by doing (Blank)”…do the same for 3 years and 5 years
6. Commit – Tell God about your vision, tell your spouse or best friend and then stay on course. Don’t get discouraged and remember from Jesus’ standpoint we are all in training meaning He doesn’t hold failure against us…He just encourages us to keep pursuing His and our vision.

A few summer vacation suggestions…“From The Back Row”

On Sunday this happened to me when I heard the reference to 1 Corinthians 3:1-3. It struck me that Paul wrote this letter to an entire group of Christ Followers in Corinth…basically what we would, today, call the Church. As he did many times throughout the New Testament, Paul was compelled to write encouraging words and at times to call Christ followers out for actions he found to be disruptive to the cause. In these letters he also would provide instructions, updates and he always prayed for them. In this particular passage Paul was trying to dissuade them from jealousy, arguing, and quite frankly called them out for being immature…again to keep them focused on the overall goal. Where my mind further wandered was with regard to the church itself. These people were engaged…fully…to the point that they were arguing about things. From my perspective, if you don’t care about something, do you really argue about it? Now I am not advocating more arguing among people, but it does speak to a passion that may have existed within this church. When I dig further into the church at Corinth, I find people “doing life” together…they were in essence “all in”! And this is why Paul was able to write letters that touched on every aspect of their lives. And this aspect of “doing life together” was not just confined to Corinth…it was prevalent in all churches that Paul addressed.

Acts 2:42-47 really sets the stage for how we, as a church, are to “do life together”. It speaks very clearly to “being all in”. The church (or community of believers) in Acts learned together, fellowshipped together, ate together, prayed together, shared all resources together and sacrificed together. They depended upon each other and their “church” was their life and their lifeline.

Today, I think it is pretty easy for each of us to look at Acts and say very quickly “it is inspiring what these guys did back then, but that was another time and another place. Clearly that is not the way in which church should be done or is done today”! I have thought a lot about Acts this week and I have been thinking a lot about our church and specifically about the lifeline it is to me and my family. I thought about what would happen if I didn’t have my church. How not having my church would impact my life, my family’s life, my community. I thought about my friends and the fact that most of them are connected to me because of church. I thought about my kids and the retreats, the education, their peer set, their small groups. I thought about the trips to DC to help the needy and homeless. I thought about the orphanage in Nicaragua. I thought about the fact that every Sunday morning, without fail, there is a place I can go and hear great messages and see my friends. I think about the outreach to elementary school kids that are in need. And the list just keeps going! What I determined after this whole assessment was that my church is my lifeline and a way of life for my family. And then I thought again about the church in Acts. I thought about whether, even given the lifeline that my church is, I am truly “all in”…like those in the Acts church.

So here are my questions for you. What does church mean to you? Is it a bad memory of a bad experience? What does “all in” mean to you? Are you? When you truly step back and assess the impact your church has on you and your family are you surprised? When you look at the way in which the Acts church “lived life together”, what part is missing from your church experience today? Does being “all in” like the Acts church intimidate you?

Just some questions “From the Back Row” of a church that is my lifeline!

This whole experience made me think about how important it is for churches to be “relevant”. How important it is for churches to move beyond the church building and into culture and society. 51 weeks out of the year we “do church” at Freedom High School attracting people through our doors with our signage and through “word of mouth” of our congregation. But there is a whole group of people that for multiple reasons have shunned church and organized religion. Some have had really bad experiences, some are fed up with the hypocrisy of some Christians, and of course some just find it hard to believe that God even exists. But what I saw this past Sunday is that people are curious when they see a group of people, grilling out, listening to great music and then hearing that God is in the middle of all it all.

To me, sharing Jesus with people and asking them to come to church is maybe one of the most uncomfortable aspects of being a Christ Follower. Even writing that sentence makes me a bit uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with wanting to relate the cool things God has done in my life and what a great church DCC is… I truly want that for everyone that I meet. It’s because having those conversations conger up the stigma of “in your face evangelism” and “religious talk” about “being saved” and guilt. Many people have seen the overzealous Christian in action. Visions of the people on street corners with signs about “be saved”, or the television evangelist who uses guilt and coercion to convince you to come “into the flock” and “gain your seat in heaven”. And of course the guy in California that recently stated AGAIN that the “rapture” was coming and that the world was ending a week ago. Is it any wonder people are turned off by religion? But I do believe it is our challenge as Christ Followers and as a church to relate to people on THEIR level and at THEIR pace…not ours. That is what I loved about watching the people experience DCC on the Town Green this weekend…there was cultural relevance and we were outside the church walls! What I read about Jesus’ life is that He too was outside the church (or Temple), He was with society and He talked and taught on their level. He constantly piqued their interest without being in their face (well accept with the Pharisees, but they deserved it right?!?!).

One of the last commandments Jesus gave his disciples was to “go” into the world and make disciples. This holds true for all of us today as well. We are to “go out” into the world and relate the wonders of God. But if we model Jesus, then we must do it with relevance, with gentleness, and with love. So here are some questions for you. What is hard for you personally when it comes to pursuing this commandment? Maybe it’s the “going out”. Maybe it’s, if your honest, the overzealous part? Are you allowing people to find God at their own pace or on your terms? Maybe it’s that you have a hard time believing that a commandment that Jesus gave His disciples years ago is still applicable to us today? Or maybe it is something else all together?

Some questions to ponder “From the Back Row”

I heard about the tragic shark attack with surfer, Bethany Hamilton in 2003. Many of us believed that this talented young woman’s career was at an end – that this tragedy would change the direction of her life in negative ways. I mean seriously, how difficult would it be to lose an arm and continue to compete in an extremely challenging sport? I remember thinking how difficult it would be for Bethany to adapt to her new life. As a young girl, your looks are so important – fitting in is essential and a lot of your self-esteem is based upon who you are from the outside. But as we learned, Bethany overcame all these obstacles and in the process discovered there was a bigger plan for her than she ever could imagine for herself….she became the person that God created her to be!

Sarah Hill is Bethany’s youth pastor in Hawaii – she has always been so close to Bethany before and after the accident. Sarah came to our service and told us not only Bethany’s amazing story but her own as well – which I found equally compelling. Sarah too, has seen tragedy. She had an abusive childhood, suffered a broken neck and back in a surfing accident and struggled in knowing who God was and what role He played in her life. But time and again, Sarah had faith and her life today is full of rich relationships…she continues to impact hundreds of lives with her story.

Why does God let tragedies happen to good people? This is the haunting question I think we all ask from time to time. People who struggle in their faith often wonder how a loving God can do such things and if He isn’t responsible, then how can He sit back and let it happen? Even the strongest of faiths can be rocked by a tragedy. We often think it is “more than we can bear”. We become victims of tragedy and our lives never reach their full potential.

In Bethany and Sarah’s lives, God has used their tragedies as a light to others, to share God with the world, and to make them stronger. He shows them that He NEVER gives us more than we can bear – that God knows our true strength and that He has a plan for us – one greater than we could ever imagine.

Jeremiah 29:11-12 says “For I know the plans I have for you” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen”.

So this means that God hears our prayers – He knows what we need and what we can handle and He guides us through it. It makes sense to me – it has happened in my life. When I think of my most difficult times – I realize that “surviving” it – made me stronger, my faith deeper. I learned more about who I truly am and I became a better person.

What events have devastated you? When have you shown strength you never knew you had? Do you have the faith to KNOW that God has a plan for you that is greater than you could ever imagine for yourself?

We all have a story…for many of us, it is still partially unwritten. We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can always respond in a way that helps us grow and teach others. These amazing stories of strength and faith reassure us that we too can respond to our challenges in a way that will show strength we never thought we had.

Just a few thoughts of a guest blogger “From The Back Row”

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Fear can be a devastating emotion.  However, psychologists will tell you that “fear” is actually a survival mechanism intended to keep us safe.  Immediately upon sensing fear our brains go into decision mode…we decide whether we “fight” or take “flight”.  Supposedly we used this trigger mechanism a lot back in caveman days when large animals with big teeth roamed the neighborhood!  Today, this mechanism is still very valid when we are confronted with fear.  For me personally, “flight” seems to be my personal decision of choice.  But here is the issue with choosing to take flight when confronted by “fear”.  When you choose to flee, you don’t stretch yourself physically, emotionally or spiritually.  Fear becomes an inhibitor instead of a catalyst for growth and we simply don’t realize our full potential.  The realm of potential lies in the things we “think” we can’t do (the realm of fear) but in reality are possible.  The result is we don’t realize our potential and we miss significant opportunities.

What I thought “The King’s Speech” did a great job conveying was how fear, legitimate fear, can impact the potential for significance.  In Prince Albert’s case, his fear of public speaking was keeping him from positively impacting all of Great Britain.  But as important, the movie conveyed the positive impact a solid support structure (in this case, his wife Elizabeth and his “doctor” Lionel) had in not only helping him identify and realize his “potential” but in addition, “loving him” through fear and leading him to a life of significance.

To me, it makes perfect sense that fear can hold us back.  And it makes sense that surrounding myself with a support structure helps me to both identify my potential and encourages me to persevere through my limitations and on to significance.  I also understand from many of the stories in the Bible that another ingredient in overcoming my fears is trust that God has my back.  Yes, I know this sounds just a bit “churchy”.  But if we study the real life of Jesus, we see it played out time and time again.  Just a quick Biblegatway.com keyword search on “afraid” results in lots of verses where Jesus is encouraging people to “not be afraid” and to move forward.  And we hear it in the words Paul contributes in the New Testament as he encourages other Christ followers to persevere through their fear.

So does this change your perspective on fear?  Does it make you just a little bit anxious about what might be on the other side of fear?  Are there steps you can take to conquer fear and not flee from it?  What do you think when you hear the word “fear”?  Is it “scared”, “failure”, and “pain”?  Or is it words like “challenge”, “growth” and “significance”?

Seeing fear differently “From The Back Row”

This week we watched a movie called “Conviction”. The story surrounds a sister and brother that grow up in very a tough environment but through the experience create an unshakable bond that stays strong into their adulthood. To make a long story short, the brother, as an adult, is convicted of armed robbery/murder and sentenced to life in prison. The sister (played by Hilary Swank…in the leading role) vows to do everything she can to prove his innocence. To fulfill this vow she decides to become a lawyer and represent him. HOWEVER, to become a lawyer she must first get her GED, then get accepted and go to college, then get accepted and finish law school and finally pass the bar! Talk about commitment…talk about love! While Hilary does a great job in her role and this main story line is incredible, I want to focus some attention on the role in this movie played by Mini Driver…the supporting actress to Hilary Swank. Mini meets Hilary while in law school. The only common bond they share is age…they are the oldest students in school. But Mini pursues this relationship using that seemingly minor bond and ends up being the support structure for Hilary and her quest to save her brother. Throughout the ups and downs of Hilary’s quest, Mini is there. Even when Hilary’s family members and her husband walk away…Mini is there. She cries and laughs with Hilary, encourages her, gives her tough feedback when appropriate, rolls up her sleeves and helps regardless of task, and while many other people judge the situation, Mini’s character never judges. Simply put, she is present and engaged. She shoulders every burden as if her own…

In Galatians Paul calls this type of engagement the fulfillment of Jesus’ Law. Said another way, Paul defines this as Love…the most important commandment according to Jesus. In essence, Paul is telling us that modeling Jesus means we have to carry the burden of others…to be the best supporting actor and actress for those around us…even strangers. So I started thinking about this and a lot of questions surfaced. Am I willing to engage like Paul suggests and like Mini’s character demonstrated? If not, what is holding me back? Have I missed opportunities to engage? Would I have the “staying power” that Mini’s character had given the circumstances? If not…why not? Am I too busy? Not thinking about it? Feel like the other person is not interested in my engagement? Don’t know how? Too hard? I said a lot of questions surfaced!

What I don’t question, however, is that Jesus loves like this and He asks us (well actually commands us) to do the same. I believe He wants us to keep asking ourselves these kinds of questions and I believe He wants us to “try” and “try again” and to “keep trying” to engage. But how do we get started? Maybe a great next step is to set aside one day this week and actively look for opportunities to engage. See how many opportunities present themselves. Look for a common unity, no matter how minor it seems, and think about how you might build on relationally. Basically think about how you can become the Best Supporting Actor or Actress for another person.

A challenge “From The Back Row”